The Daily Prophet
by Sorceress Jade
Summary: Editorials concerning the Wizarding world. Quidditch, doings of the Ministry, and more. Get your copy today!
1. Broom Kit Recall

Kit Recall  
  
London, England - Ezmeralda Flyright  
  
On September 1, Quality Quidditch Supplies of London announced the recall of 200 of its Expert Shine Easy Care Broom Maintenance Kits. These kits were sold primarily between June and August. Approximately 130 of the maintenance kits were sold to the lazy wizards who didn't want to do the maintenance themselves. The Expert Shine Easy Care Broom Maintenance Kit is an attention free magical device that performs broom upkeep without supervision. When left unattended, however, it has been found that the appliance may not shut its self down upon completion of the task.  
  
Mary Doherty, Keeper for bush league team The Dunhill Doobies, went to lunch with a friend and left her kit to repair some bristle damage obtained during practice. When she returned home she found all of her plants had been snipped to the stalks, and her cat (Blunt Bill, the Dunhill's mascot) had been clipped nearly bald and shined to a high gloss.  
  
Quality Quidditch Supplies of London refused to comment on that particular incident. They maintain that while the Kit is advertised as being able to perform independent of supervision, it was never anticipated that it should be left completely alone. The Kit was intended to be hands free, not operator fee. However, after 60 reports of incidents similar to Miss Doherty's, the company has been forced by the Department of Magical Games and Sports to recall the product.  
  
"It's a shame that we have to recall such a useful object on account of brainless dullards. Who would leave a magical gadget working alone in their home?" Representative Kiwi Punch was reported to have uttered on her way out of the Ministry's hearing. Quality Quidditch Supplies of London denies that any such comment was made.  
  
If you have purchase an Expert Shine Easy Care Broom Maintenance Kit you may return it for a full refund at Quality Quidditch Supplies of London, or at the Department of Magical Games and Sports. 


	2. Rasputin Tabloid

TABLOID

RASPUTIN, STILL ALIVE?!

London England - Claire Gossamer

It could very well be true, faithful readers, Rasputin is reputed to still be alive! An eye witness account, one Ms. Tilly Mooke, has enlightened us that Gegorie Rasputin was seen vacationing on the corpulent beaches of Elvis Island. Ms. Tilly says she saw the dark eyed Russian wonder sunning himself near the water's edge on a deserted portion of the island. 

"I thought to brought him some cheese, seeings how I make it meself, and he dumped me tray to the ground. Gourmet, all of it. The bastard. I know's got to be 'im", was Ms. Mooke's reasoning. And certainly that would be in character, no?

Apparently, he has gained a rather substantial tan over the years, no doubt from such fun in the sun. With his muggle 'shades' (darkened spectacles used to keep light from the eyes) it was difficult to tell from the photo whether the man really was Rasputin or perhaps someone else, someone more local like say… Severus Snape perhaps. Yes, we all doubted Professor Snape of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry would be caught dead on a sunny beach with a Hawaiian T-shirt as well. Although, is it any more far fetched than Rasputin himself? We urge any readers with evidence to come forward to help straighten out this shocking discovery.


	3. Hip Bedding

Hip Bedding   
  
London England – Wooly Swelter  
  
They're not your usual squares, as much as you want them to be. Within the last few weeks, London has been infiltrated by a strange plague. This is not the sort of thing to keep the kiddies home from school for. No indeed, it is one to keep your galleons in your pocket instead. Blankets, yes, blankets have been turning up in astonishing numbers that were purchased square … and used triangular.   
  
Since word of these strange events began circulating, retailers check daily their blanket stock and remove the offending items, only to receive complaints from dissatisfied customers that their product was not as advertised once they got it home. Unwary sleepers have awakened this cold winter, only to find their feet frostbitten.  
  
"I went to bed with my feet fully covered and wrapped up. But when I awoke they were blue and purple and only my wife had blanket over her feet." Was one man's heartbreaking tale. "I just don't understand how they can sell such a malicious product. Don't buy blankets!"  
  
He was unavailable for further comment as the Healers wheeled him into a private room at St. Mungos. Status as yet unknown, yet words that will echo for as long as this horrific tribulation continues. Don't buy blankets indeed. But what instead?  
  
It is a truly sad day in the wizarding world when even blankets turn against their owners. Wooly Swelter here, to keep you updated on this breaking news. I hope to have information on safe blanket purchases for you in the near future. Signing off. 


End file.
